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Every little thing is gonna be all right, right?
Last Wednesday, while headed to bible study, Jude was riding shotgun. The weather was actually as good as it could have been, considering the tsunami amount of rains we have been having
(as I type, it's Friday morning and I have a contractor stomping around up on the roof assessing leak issues).
Jude is nearing the end of the third 9 weeks of his sophomore year and my focus of our 'headed to church' conversation was to readdress his current grades. Grades that are not at all reflective of his potential. I have given pass after pass after pass to this rough year and patience has tried to be applied.
His core classes have dropped, yes. But art!? Art is his fine arts elective. And man, it pains me to see his GPA suffer due to a struggling grade in art. I catch myself going back and forth with:
give him a pass/ hold him accountable/ address it/ let it ride...
just the constant back and forth this year of what to address and when, as well as which fires to put out and those to let simmer.
(I would be a terrible first repsonder 😉)
He even mentioned music theory as being an option and how he just wasn't aware earlier that that was an option when he scheduled art. Are you kidding me!? 'Mr. Musician' himself could have aced a music theory fine arts class and helped his momma's blood pressure out over these last 20 weeks of school.
It was in that moment of revelation that I announced
(in mine and Jude's way of backhanded compliments),
'You really messed that one up, didn't you!'
Jude reaches over, grabs my hand and laces his fingers in mine. He cocks his head back and in his best Bob Marley impression, chimes in with a
Don't worry 🎜about a thing 🎝cause every little thing 🎜is gonna be all right🎝
I couldn't help but finish the chorus with him.
We continued on to bible study and later returned home. The night was finishing out strong and we were in the final stretches (prepped and ready) for Jude's big day coming up the very next day. So when I get an email from a teacher and open it and it revealed information that I needed to discuss with him, I literally had a physical reaction knowing that this may not go well for him.
Parenting is hard.
I call him down, we discuss (rather I do the talking and he readies himself for consequences), and then he too had a physical reaction. A response that is natural when a heart is convicted. Someone once said, 'If Jude is 5'10, then 5'9 of him is heart'. And his 5'9 heart was hurting.
He knew it and I knew it.
But the pressure.
The pressure that he has bottled up and has placed upon himself is too great and he would rather walk away, avoid, and ignore... hoping it will go away.
It doesn't and it won't. Maybe for a little while, but that is simply a temporary fix. In fact, things are often so pressurized that the contents can't help but leak out, even if its just a little.
And Jude's was starting to leak, from the corners of his eyes.
We talk through as much as he is willing to talk through.
We cry. We hold each other. And we pray...
We head to our respective bedrooms after mid-night feeling the weight of what is around us. My heart is heavy as I close my swollen eyes, but again I pray.
They are Yours, God. I trust in You.
I serve a God that has scripted a beautiful ending to a trying journey.
I am not sure exactly what His plans are but they are certainly higher than mine, and I trust in them.
______________________________________________
The irony in Jude taking my hand earlier in the evening and declaring that
'every little thing was gonna be all right'...
and how I too had to return the message back to him later as the pressure and the realities of his current circumstances were almost too great for him as he closed out the final hours of age 15.
Stresses and worries are an absolute given in our lives. Like it or not, we will experience them. My prayer is that Luke and Jude move through them in a way that is healthy and healing.
First Hair Cuts Can Be Super Scary...
As sweet as the picture is above, those tears are real. And they are rooted in a place of
'just not knowing what will happen'.
Jude's first hair cut brought about fear and anxiety of the unknown. Even though one of his most trusted persons was right in front of him, tenderly reassuring him that ALL would be ok.
Trust in me.
I'm here for you.
I've never left you nor forsaken you.
Those are words that all too often fall into empty places of our lives. We are so challenged at surrendering that which we prefer to control, and solve, and we are so conditioned to conquer that which is not 'right' in our world.
All too often we are place as a one year old toddler in the stylist's chair
(in an environment we are not familiar with)
for the first time.
A cape is wrapped snugly around our neck
(restraining, yes... protective with a purpose, absolutely).
A change agent sets the stage for distractions that ultimately results in transformation
(even when that change agent is a person of intimacy, transformation is still fearful and ridden with anxiety).
Blood pressure rises.
Tears fall.
An obvious physical response set in.
Our world is out of our control...
It is at this point that surrendering is the closest place we can come to peace.
Peace with our surroundings. Peace with those involved. Peace with our circumstances.
We are not designed to live in fear. We are not designed to live lives desiring control.
Yet this sinful world that we live in is full of daily journeys of circumstances out of our control. Finding peace with knowing that we don't have to:
understand, have realities meet expectations, be responsible for fixing that which is beyond us and often was placed on us without welcome...
It's here, it's in this place that surrendering these desires and wishes will give us peace.
Here we are reminded from God:
Trust in Me.
I'm here for you.
I've never left you nor forsaken you.
🎜This is my message to you ou-ou...🎝
Yes, Jude, you are absolutely right.
Every little thing is gonna be all right.
Thank you for that sweet little reminder.
Thank you for your reassurance.
You are such an amazing young man...
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