Journey of Love and Learning to Love...

In April of 1996, while sitting in worship services (I know...), I wrote a poem to my future husband.  I knew that one day we would meet and I would eventually give this poem to him.

That spring I had called my grandmother, in tears, wanting to talk with her regarding my feelings of lonliness and wanting someone to share my life with and my journey of serving God.  Her words have never left me (as many of them still speak to me daily) and I hung up the phone knowing that there were things in this world much worse than being alone!  I did ask her to pray for me and for my future husband.

Later that year in August, I met David Lee Bowers.  The night after I met him I told my mother that I had met her future son-in-law.  We began dating and by that Christmas we were seriously talking about our lives together, future plans... and marriage.  One of his presents that year was a book (I love books, and have given him one annually since then) with his poem tucked safely inside.

If you don't mind, I would like to share that poem with you:

'To My Love'

When I'm alone I often think

What is it my future holds?

Are you there? Do you love me?

How long before I know?

I yearn too much for I cannot think

My thoughts are clouded by you,

When someone wants and loves as I

Even breathing is hard to do.

I want so much to be loved by you

How will you ever know?

As each day passes again I wait

For with you I may be whole.

Your sweet, sweet smile fills my soul

With warm and comforting love,

So much joy and happiness

As pure as a heavenly dove.

Tomorrow will come and again I'll pray

'Lord bless him and keep him strong,

Watch over him and if be Your will

Send him, for the nights are long.'

But until that day I'll wait once more

My love, tomorrow is near,

And when your loving face I see

May laughter and smiles replace the tears.

J. Cleveland

That year my grandmother celebrated gift giving with my family and David.  He was sitting on the hearth, in front of the fireplace.  I walked over to her, sat down beside her and whispered to her, 'That young man sitting over there... he is the one we have been praying for...'


Fast forward 15 plus years.  David and I have been married for 13 years.  We have lived in nine different places, on 3 different continents.  Two beautiful boys have joined us through this journey.  Many, many blessings have come our way and through it all, I have found comfort in counting them all.

However, life is hard sometimes.  Marriage is hard work.  And more often than not, two lives find it difficult to live as one unit.  The pulls and tugs of life (more like worldly compromises and selfish gains) find you looking at the one you thought you couldn't live without... wondering what you saw in the first place.

I admit it, I am guilty.  But I am blessed... far greater than I will ever deserve.  My early, faithful prayers  were answered according to what I needed and wanted.  God is great and His love is unending. 

Lately, I have found my selfish desires weakening my attitude of service.  I didn't even want to try.  I'll spare you the details, but my faith is renewed and my love for David is restored.  I recently wrote another poem to him.  It chronicles my journey, as real as it is.  If interested, it follows below...

I longed for you, I prayed for you

I desired you before you came,

I cried for you, I planned for you

I wanted to take your name.

Your presence brought me peace

Lonely no longer was I

Your laughter stopped the tears at night

No longer I questioned 'why'?

Looking back I was so young

I didn't fully understand

To love, to submit, to honor and cherish

Spoken words, vows written by hand?

You're you, I'm me so different you see

How can two become one flesh?

In theory, in scripture, in words... okay

But in actions and deeds... no less!

Was it simply an idea, a fantasy gone astray

You change me, I change you

Good luck, good grief, NO WAY!

I've given up, I don't want control

I trust in your leading ways,

You hear me and you respect my thoughts

You give me the time of day.

I'm broken and weak, I have little to give

Simple pleasures shall brighten my day,

I promise to seek what's best for our love

And lift your spirit in praise.

Do you love me?  Do you love ALL of me?

Do your thoughts of me make you smile?

Do you miss me?  Do you miss the real me?

... been gone for quite a while.

I want her back, I want us back

I want it better than before.

I want to love deeply, I want happiness

No longer my heart to be sore.

I have failed.  I have wronged you

I have wronged our family.

Two hearts, two lives, two dreams collide,

No plans let Satan free.

What's your defense?  What's my defense?

How will we take back what's ours?

The future has caused me to pause right here

Let the past drain away this hour.

Amazing love you've given

Unlike any I've ever known.

I've doubted, I've feared, I've waivered in trust

Yet here is where I belong.

I'm giving you my all, my heart

My life belongs to you,

I WILL honor and cherish, submit and love

To you I'll ever be true.

Created was I to be your helper

A suitable mate bringing joy to your life,

Many blessings have I to hold and to love

But the greatest is being your wife.

Thank you, Dear God, for your patience divine

My faith has been restored,

Walking not by sight while serving You

Proudly calling you my Lord!

J. C. Bowers

We all have our burdens to bear.  We all have to find our own way to deal with the challenges and struggles that this world throws our way.  I am thankful more than ever before to have David in my life to lighten each other's load and lift each other up.